Stressed? I Know How You Feel.
written by Emma Bartley
Ok. I have a meeting before school but need to wake up even earlier to shower (which I couldn’t do last night). Then after school I need to study for two AP tests that I have on Friday. I need to work on my college applications and make the agenda for my student council meeting next week. I have to write an article for She-Is-Fierce. I also have to work on my speech for Public Speaking class, read two chapters of my book, and work on my math problems. Plus, I have to work four hours after school!
Have you ever had a day like this? A day where you are completely overwhelmed and overbooked.
Over these past few months, these days have become the norm for me, and I have been experiencing a lot of extra stress. After weeks of constant pressure, I decided to take a look at my life to determine what the cause of my stress was, and I traced it back to one main cause:
Overcommitment.
Over my years of high school, I have joined a lot of wonderful clubs, taken AP course after AP course, and done hundreds of hours of service. Reflecting, I can’t help but wonder, Why have I gotten so involved. Why do I cause so much stress for myself?
Well first of all, I have come to realize that by personality I’m definitely a “joiner.” I learn about something, get excited, and then I want to get involved! I have to really manage this tendency; it is sometimes really hard to walk away from a great club, class, or cause. However, I’m slowly discovering that it is important to make tough choices and pause and think before I jump into any activity. I’ve learned to ask myself a few questions now before I commit to something:
- Is this a worthwhile way to spend my time?
- Is it aligned with my goals and values?
- Is it something I really want to do? Or is it something I feel I “should” do?
- Do I have the time to really give this the energy it deserves?
- Will it take away from other important things in my life?
Asking these questions has helped me to make some tough decisions recently, and as a result, I have walked away from some great new opportunities.
However, I’ve learned something else about myself. While I do love serving and helping others and consider myself a bright student that can handle AP classes, I’ve realized that there is a worry in the back of my mind that if I don’t do all of these things, I won’t measure up. I won’t get into my “dream college.” I’m excited about my future; I want to reach my potential, and so I strive to be the perfect student: straight A’s, tons of involvement, and hours and hours of service. But, I’ll tell you a couple of secrets that I’ve learned recently that have helped me gain some perspective.
Colleges prefer that you do few activities passionately rather than only partially commit to many activities.
That’s right! You don’t need to join every club. Colleges would prefer to see that you have leadership within one or two clubs instead of just membership in ten clubs. When you join ten or twelve clubs, you can’t fully commit to every single one.
Perfection isn’t always perfect!
While it sometimes feels like colleges expect perfection, there are a lot of negative consequences that come from striving for perfection; most importantly it negatively impacts our mental health. The desire to attain perfection can also alienate us from others; we often relate to others through shared imperfections. And most importantly, we learn our most important lessons from our failures. Perfection isn’t a realistic option anyway, so striving for authenticity (flaws and all) might be a better goal! I have to trust that if I’m a good fit for my “dream school” I’ll get in by striving to just be myself.
This year, I have decided to scale back my commitments and to learn the importance of saying “no.” I often want to say yes to everyone and help everyone that I can, but sometimes for my own sake, I need to say no. I have made the decision that I will only say yes to someone if I can fully commit myself to whatever they are asking. And as a result, I am beginning to see some stress relief in my life.
Here are some other tips if you are overcommitted and want to relieve stress.
- Take some time out of your day for yourself. I know it sounds counterintuitive to take time to do something “unproductive” when you have so much to do, but I promise you that it can make a world of difference. Take just five minutes to meditate, journal, or do something that you enjoy. It improves your mood and relaxes you so that you are ready to take on anything that comes your way!
- Exercise. I don’t mean going to the gym for two hours, because you most likely don’t have time for that if you feel overcommitted. But, if you start to get very stressed, try doing some jumping jacks or running in place, or have a personal dance party in your room. When you exercise, you release the endorphins that make you feel happier. Just a little bit of movement can make your day better!
Look at your schedule and decide if there is anything you can take off your plate. Are there any clubs that you are involved in that you are simply doing for your resume? Is there anything you are doing that you don’t enjoy and are not required to do? Could you use your phone less? It is important to genuinely look at your calendar and see if there is anything you can do to relieve your stress.