What Makes a Relationship So STRONG?

written by Emma Bartley

What makes a relationship so strong? How do people remain married for decades on end? I asked married couples what advice they had for teenagers on what has made their relationship so long-lasting! Here are a few responses:

“One of the best things you can do to have a strong, lasting relationship is to be honest with each other at all times and  learn to respect each other’s opinions without judgement and to make compromises.   There are times when we disagree…but because our foundation is based on trust and love, those times don’t define us as a couple…in fact, they strengthen us.  Always try to see things from the other person’s perspective.  Empathy goes a long way in a healthy relationship….that is, being able to feel and understand how the other person feels.   Again, without judgement.  It’s not always easy….but nothing worth having is ever easy.  It’s work, but it is definitely worth it.” -25 years of marriage

“I have been married for almost 23 years, and I think our relationship has worked because each day we both make a conscious decision to love each other and choose each other, no matter what. Loving someone for a lifetime isn’t easy, but if each day you treat your spouse better than you treat anyone else, and value them above all others, you are saying “I do” and “I choose you, again” each and every day. I also want to add that my spouse is also my best friend. He is the first person I think of when I want to share something with, whether it’s good or bad. Sharing everything from the extremely intimate moments and feelings to the small, everyday details has really enhanced and strengthened our marriage and our everyday love for each other.” -22 years of marriage

“We are open and honest with one another. When we are upset, we discuss it right away and don’t let it fester. We don’t go to bed angry. We constantly forgive and ask for forgiveness. We make sacrifices for one another and always do what we think is best for our family.” -2.5 years of marriage

“The greatest lesson I’ve learned in being married more than two decades is that real love is not about receiving but giving. Real love and real happiness are found in serving and being present to your spouse every day.” -22 years of marriage

“In thinking about my own marriage, I would have to say that shared values and complete trust in one another has helped us have a happy, lasting marriage. I think having shared values and trust provides a solid foundation for marriage.  Complete trust can only be attained if you are yourself from the beginning!  Any relationship has great times, good times and challenging times.  If you have a solid foundation, you are much better equipped to handle the challenging times more successfully.” -23 years of marriage

“My husband and I have always believed -and tried very hard -to never end a day angry.  “I’m sorry” are sometimes the hardest two words to say, but usually make us feel the best!  Always start the day with a kiss and end the day with a hug and “I love you”!  Value each other for who they are, what they do, what they believe.  And TRUST in each other!!” -48 years of marriage

“There’s a lot of things I would like to say because relationships are complicated and ever-changing, but in brief: Firstly, our relationship is built on a foundation of complete honesty. We know everything about each other, including the bad things. We choose every day to love each other in spite of them. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Secondly, we have discussed and both believe that relationships are not 50/50, they are 100/100. As in, it takes a gift of the entire self to make a relationship work. We’re not each responsible for half of the effort, we’re both responsible to give 100% of ourselves all the time. Sometimes that means one person is giving more due to sickness, or stress, or things like that, and that’s ok. Lastly, I would invite teens to start to pray for their future spouse. You want them to be awesome, so pray that they are out there somewhere becoming awesome! :)” -2.5 years of marriage

“My advice is to communicate with your partner. It’s not always easy. Make sure that you listen. It is so important to not only talk, but to truly listen. You have to be willing to bend, because you will not always get your way. Talk to each other and compromise, and you will grow together instead of apart!” -15 years of marriage

“There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” -Martin Luther